ToddAs a teacher and college counselor at BASIS, I have observed first-hand how stressed and tired many students are. They feel the pressure to succeed and stand out from the crowd. Success for most families means students get into a college or university ranked in the top 30 worldwide, assuming that that is what’s required to get the best jobs, make the most money, and be happy. So, students pile on the AP courses, take ToEFL and SAT prep sessions on weekends, and college programs in the summer. I understand the drive to excel. It’s better to be ambitious than lazy. But unbridled ambition can harm one’s physical and mental health. Recognizing the need for balance, here is some advice that might help you support your children during this challenging phase of their lives:
- Encourage Self-Care, Especially Sleep: Encourage your child to take care of themselves by getting enough sleep, eating well, and engaging in regular exercise. Sleep is the one thing they seem to neglect most. Seven-to-eight hours should be the norm, not the exception. Their brains and bodies need it to learn properly and to manage stress. But in surveys of my own students, the most common average on a school night is 5-6 hours. (For many, it’s the homework that keeps them up late. For a few, it’s video games. Either way, more reasonable course selection and better time management is needed to ensure enough sleep so that the brain functions at its best.)
- Listen to Them: When your child expresses feeling stressed or overwhelmed, listen to them without judgment or an immediate solution. Sometimes, all your child needs is someone to talk to and to feel heard. Assure them of your love and care in the midst of their struggles.
- Help Them Prioritize Their Time: If you notice your child feeling overwhelmed, sit down with them and help them create a schedule or a to-do list that prioritizes the most important tasks. Breaking down larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps can help your child avoid feeling overwhelmed.
- Celebrate Their Achievements: Praise your child's successes, no matter how big or small they may be. Notice each good grade first on the report card before singling out the course(s) they find difficult. Encouraging and acknowledging their achievements can help boost their self-confidence and motivation.
- Avoid Adding to the Pressure: As parents, it's important to support our children without adding stress to their lives. Comparing them to other students adds to the pressure. It would be better to compare them only to their own potential. And remember, while it feels good to be able to boast about our children, ultimately, their success is not under our control, which also means that their lack of “success” is not necessarily a reflection of poor parenting. So let yourselves and them “off the hook”.
- Encourage Them to Seek Help: If your child is struggling to manage stress and pressure, encourage them to talk to one of our social-emotional counselors or their college counselor. There is no shame in talking through one’s feelings and struggles. They are a part of the normal human experience, especially for students in a school like BASIS.
- Help Them Find Balance: Help your child find a balance between schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and leisure time. Encourage them to engage in activities they enjoy that help them relax and take their mind off school.
I hope you will encourage your children to take care of themselves and to speak up if they are feeling stressed and tired. Success is not only about earning the highest GPA and prestigious college diploma; it’s about what kind of person graduates from this school and from college. If along the way, your child develops into a wise, self-aware, independent, caring person of excellent character, then that’s a child you can be proud of.